vidya ke khaatir

Teacher: raju, tum kis liye college aate ho?
Student: vidya ke khaatir
Teacher: toh ab so kyu rahe ho?
Student: aaj vidya nahi aayi hai sir

Three sardars

There were three sardars. 1st: i have not written anything on the paper because i dont no the answers. 2nd: i have also not written anything. 3rd: shit yaar. teacher will thought that we three has cheated.

Laloo and his wife Rabri

Laloo and his wife Rabri were angry with each other and were not talking to each other.
Laloo left a note on Rabri's bedside table, that said: "Dear Wife! Awake me at 5 am tomorrow."
Next morning, Laloo awoke at 8 am and saw a note on his bedside table: "Dear Husband It's 5 O' Clock, get up.

Thank God

Science Teacher: Oxygen is a must for breathing & for life. It was discovered in 1773.
Lalu : Thank God ! I was born after that otherwise, I would have died before becoming prime minister..

He is still Celebrating

Wife: Look at that Drunker!
Hubby: Who is he?
Wife: 10 years back he proposed me & I Rejected.
.
.
.
.
.
Hubby: Oh My God, He is still Celebrating. . Wow. . .:)

3 Ways To Catch A Tiger

1- Newtons Method...
Allow The Tiger To Catch U & Catch The Tiger

2- Einsteins Method...
Chase The Tiger Until It Becomes Tired n Then Catch It.

3- The Police Method...
Catch A Cat & Beat It Until It Accepts Itz A Tiger.

Ek dum fikka hai

Party mein 1 santa ne plate pe tissue paper dekh kar socha shayad ye bhi khaane waali cheez hai.. jaise hi khaane waala tha woh... Banta chillaya... na kha oye, ek dum fikka hai..!!

Sher ka Pinjra Khula Chod Diya

Santa Ne Zoo Me Sher ka Pinjra Khula Chod Diya.
Officer:Tumne Sher Ka Pinjra Lock Nahi Kia?
Santa : Sir Itna Khaufnak Janwar Ko Kaun Chori Karenga. :)

Wrong Number

Mrs. Banta Singh was in the habit of having long conversations on the telephone, sometimes going on over an hour.
One day she hung up after 25 minutes. "What is the matter today?" asked her husband.
"Today you had less than half an hour conversation on the phone." "I got a wrong number," replied Mrs. Banta Singh.

Main tere 64 de 64 dant tor dene

Santa to Banta: Main tere 64 de 64 dant tor dene ne.
Laloo: 64 nahi 32 dant hunde ne, phaji.
Santa: Mainu pata c tu v vich bolna a, iss lai tere v vich gin lye.

Ghar ka sara saman chupa do

santa-ghar ka sara saman chupa do
banta-kyun
santa-mere dost aa rahe hain hai......
banta-chura lenge kya
santa nahi pehchan lenge......

"Bloody English Language!

Husband texts to wife on cell..

"Hi,what r u doing Darling?"

Wife: I'm dying..!

Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"

Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."

Husband: "Bloody English Language!

bhagwan gayab ho gaya!

Ek Devta ka mandir tha jisme buri niyat wale gayab ho jata tha.

Salman gaya aur gayab ho gaya, Shahrukh gaya aur who bhi gayab ho gaya.

Mallika Sherawat gayi aur bhagwan gayab ho gaya!

isme Vajpayee ka hat hai..

Laloo bada chalak hai
Nau baccho ka bap hai
Laloo bada nirala he
dasva ane wala he...
ye andar ki baat hai
isme Vajpayee ka hat hai..

 

call a doctor!"

A Spanish guy enters a hospital to have a minor operation.

A nurse begins to take down his information: name, insurance company, etc.

"In case of emergency, whom should we notify?"

"You mean if I become very sick?"

"Well . . . yes."

"If that happens, call a doctor!"

"No, just blue elephants."

Alonzo visits Doctor Pedro.

Alonzo: "Doctor, doctor, I see blue elephants everywhere."

Pedro: "Have you seen a psychologist yet?"

Alonzo: "No, just blue elephants."

I've just broken the doctor's window!"

Fred came rushing in to his Dad. "Dad!" he puffed, "is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?"

"That's what they say," said his Dad.

"Well, give me an apple quick ? I've just broken the doctor's window!"

, "no charge."

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says.

The bartender promptly serves up a beer.

"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.

"For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge."

so I moved on to the next cage.

FRED: Did I ever tell you about the time I came face to face with a very fierce gorilla?

BERT: No, what happened? FRED: Well, I stood there, without a gun . . . The gorilla looked at me and snarled and roared and beat his chest. Then it came closer and closer . . .

BERT: What did you do?

FRED: Oh, I'd had enough, so I moved on to the next cage.

"Where are you from idiot?"

Two men were chatting in a bar. One says "Where are you from?". 

Second man replies "I come from somewhere where we do not end a sentence with a preposition". 

"Alright" says the first man, "Where are you from idiot?"