JOKES

Dua hai Ki Kamyabi ke har sikhar per aap ka naam hoga,
Aapke har kadam per duniya ka salaam hoga,
Himmat se mushkilon ka saamna karna,
Hamari dua hai ki waqt bhi ek din aapka gulam hoga.

Happy Birthday

Koi mera bhi to ho saath nibahane ke liye,
Mujhe mange khuda se apne banane ke liye,
Mere aanso meri palkon se churane ke liye,
Bas wohi ho mujhe seene se lagane ke liye.

Santa Ko Vodafone Me Oprator Kai Job. Mili,
1st Day Use Mar-Mar k Nikal Diya Kyo..?
Kyoki.

1st cusmor:- mera voda. ka sim Bloc Ho Gya Hai
Santa:- To Pagal Airtel Ka lele

Bhigi palko ke sath ankhe num thi.
Zindagi unhi se shuru unhi pe khatm thi.Wo ruth kar dur chale gay hamse.
Shayad unhe laga ki unse MOHABBAT hme kam thi.

Khushi se dil ko aabad karna...
Aur gham ko dil se azad karna,
Hamari bus itni gujarish hai ke hame bhi Din me ek baar YAAD karna"... "

Wen things go wrong...
Wen sadness fills ur heart...
wen tears flow in ur eyes...
always remember 3 things
1) I m with u...
2) Still with u...
3) Will ALWAYS b"... "

My past says u met me
My future says u wil care 4 me
My present says u wil understand me
But my heart says u wil
Always Remember ME!....

Red or white
short or tall
wrapped in silver
not wrapped at all
under covers
inside a box
shapes & sizes
love comes in lots.

Love is Pure
Love is Sure
Love is sweet poison
that Doctors can't cure

Taare Toh Door Hain Fir Bhi Chamakte Hain
Baadal Toh Door Hain Phir Bhi Baraste Hain
Hum Bhi Kitne Nadan Hain
Aap Hamare Dil Mein Hain Aur Hum Aapse Milne Ko Taraste Hain…

Ae Khuda Nazro Ko Aisi Khudai De
Jidhar Dekhun Udhar Vo Dikhai De
Kar De Aisi Meherbani Aaj Hawa Mein
Unko Pukaron Bas Unhi Ko Sunayi De…

Kisi Ke Dil Mein Apna Ghar Bnana Padtaa Hai
Har Insan Ko Kisi Se Dil Lagana Padta Hai
Suna Hai Nafrat Mohabbat Ki Pehli Kadi Hai
Kayi Bar Dushman Ko Apna Banana Padta Hai
Kisi Shakhs Ko Dil Hi Dil Mein Chaahate Rahen
Usi Se Us Ka Pyar Chupana Padta Hai
Kayi Log Yahan Raaie Ka Pahad Banate Hain
Aise Logon Se Daman Ko Bachaana Padta Hai
Jo Pyar Ke Samudar Mein Le Jaate Hain Kashti
Kayi Bar Unn Ko Jaan Se Bhi Jana Padhta Hai…

Mere Dil Ke Tukdo Se Aawaaz Nikalti Hai
Har Pal Dil Ke Zanaaze Ki Baraat Nikalti Hai
Us Beraham Ko Jra Bhi Raham Nhi Aata
Aur Kumar Teri Haalat Pe To Pattharo Se Bhi Dhaar Nikalti Hai…

KabhiKabhi aisa bhi hota hai,
Dosti ka asar zara der se hota hai.
Unhe lagta hai Hum kuch nahi Sochte unke bare me,
Par Har baat me Zikr unka hi hota hai……….

Wo yaro ki mehfil, wo muskurate pal,
Dil se juda hai apna bita hua Kal,
Kabhi jindagi guzjarti thi Waqt bitane me,
Aaj waqt guzar jata hai chand kagaj ke note kamane me……

Gam nahi waha jaha ho fasana tera,
Khushiya dhundti rahe aashiyana tera,
Wo waqt hi na aaye jab tu udas ho,
Ye duniya bhula na sake muskurana tera..

Tammana se nahi tanhai se darte hain,
pyaar se nahi ruswaai se darte hain,
milne ki to bohat chahat hai,
par milne ke baad judaai se darte hain

LOVE LETTER V/s EXAM PAPER
Love:
Hazaro khayal ate he jinhe
shabdo me nahi likh pate
Or
Exam:
hazaro shabd likhne padte h jo
khyalo me bhi nahi aate

Jasmeet caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.

Jasmeet : "What are you searching for?"

Santa : "Hidden camera!"

Jasmeet : "And what makes you think that there are hidden camera here?"

Santa : "That guy on tv knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying, You are watching the Star World channel. How does he know that?"

अगर 500 के नोट को चेक करना हो तो? उसके 10 फोल्ड करके उस पर 20 मुक्के मारो। फिर नोट को खोलो अगर गांधी जी का चश्मा टूट जाए तो..समझ लो कि नोट नकली है।

पार्क के एक कोने में बैठी एक महिला स्वेटर बुन रही थी, तभी एक आदमी उसके पास आया और बोला- वह लड़का क्या आपका है, बहुत देर से मुझ पर पानी डाल रहा है।

महिला ने मुस्कुराते हुए इत्मीनान से जवाब दिया- नहीं वह मेरा भतीजा है। मेरा लड़का तो वह है, जो आपकी साइकिल तोड़ रहा है।

एक स्त्री अपने बच्चे के साथ बस पर चढ़ती है। बस ड्राईवर उन्हें देखता है और कहता है, "छि: मैंने आजतक इतना घिनौना बच्चा नहीं देखा!"

गुस्से से भरी स्त्री भाड़ा देकर बस की पिछली सीट पर बैठ जाती है। एक व्यक्ति उसके पास बैठा होता है, जो उसे काफी गुस्से में पाता है, वह उससे पूछता है कि क्या बात है।

"बस के ड्राईवर ने मुझे अपमानित किया!" वह फुँफकारती हुई कहती है।"

"यह तो सरासर ग़लत बात है!" व्यक्ति कहता है। "वह तो जनता का नौकर है और वह इस तरह से किसी सवारी से गलत बात नहीं कह सकता है।"

"आप सही कह रहे हैं!" स्त्री कहती है। "मैं अभी जाकर उसे सबक सिखा कर आती हूँ!"

"ये सही रहेगा," आदमी कहता है। "तबतक मैं आपके इस बन्दर को सँभालता हूँ।"

संता की शादी हुए तो संता ने खूब मिठाई बांटी! जब संता का बच्चा हुआ तो भी संता ने बहुत मिठाई बांटी!
जब 5 साल बाद उसका दाखिला करवाने गया तो 20000 रूपये लग गए तो संता घर आ कर बहुत रोया!
जीतो: जब जब मेरे फटती थी तो बहुत मिठाईयां बांटते थे आज अपनी फटी तो सयापे पिट रहे हो!

संता: एक बार-गर्ल ने, नाचते-नाचते अपना टॉप निकाल दिया! लोगो ने बहुत तालिया बजाई! उसने एक-एक करके अपने सरे कपड़े खोल दिए!
जब लास्ट में पेंटी खोली तो, किसी ने भी तालिया नहीं बजाई!
बंता: क्यों?
संता: क्योंकि ताली एक हाथ से नहीं बजती!

संता: आज सेक्स किसी और डंग से करते है!
जीतो: क्या करोगे आज?
संता: आज तुम्हरे कान के अन्दर डालता हूँ!
जीतो: नहीं अगर मैं बेहरी हो गए तो?
संता: आज तक गूंगी तो हुए नहीं!

एक गन्दी लड़की का जनाजा निकला तो संता बोला, चलो आपस में दोनों मिली तो सही!
बंता: कोंन दोनों?
संता: उसकी टाँगे!

संता: भगवान् मुझे दर्द दे, दुःख दे, टेंशन दे, मुझे बर्बाद कर दे, मेरे पीछे भूत लगा दे!
भगवान्: अबे साले एक लाइन में बोल कि बीवी चाहिये!

संता: मैं शिमला जा रहा हूँ! रास्ते में बीवी को गिरा दूंगा!
बंता: मेरी भी ले जा, उसे भी गिरा देना!
संता: अगर तू बुरा न माने तो उसे वापसी में गिरा दूँ?

संता: आज टीवी पर 30 फीट का सांप दिखाने वाले हैं!
बंता: अच्छा! पर मैं नहीं देख सकूंगा!
संता: क्यों?
बंता: मेरा टीवी सिर्फ 21 इंच का ही है!

जीतो: मैं तुम्हारी याद में 15 दिन में ही आधी हो हो गई हूँ, मुझे लेने कब आ रहे हो?
संता: 15 दिन और रुक जाओ!

संता: मैं सुसु सुबह 6 बजे करता हूँ और पोटी 7 बजे करता हूँ!
डाक्टर: तो इस में क्या परेशानी है?
संता: पर मेरी आँख 8 बजे खुलती है!

Santa went to see a gal for marriage. Their families decided to leave them for some talk. After some time, Santa asks: Behenji, tusin kinne behen-bhai ho? Girl: Vaise taan 3 si, par hun 4 ho gaye.

Santa: Tainu tairna aanda hai? Banta: No Santa: Tere naalon ta kutte changey ne jehre tair lende ne Banta: Tenu tairna aanda hai? Santa: Aaho Banta: Pher tere te kutte ch ki farak hai?

Santa went to see a gal for marriage. Their families decided to leave them for some talk. After some time, Santa asks: Behenji, tusin kinne behen-bhai ho? Girl: Vaise taan 3 si, par hun 4 ho gaye.

Santa: Tainu tairna aanda hai? Banta: No Santa: Tere naalon ta kutte changey ne jehre tair lende ne Banta: Tenu tairna aanda hai? Santa: Aaho Banta: Pher tere te kutte ch ki farak hai?

Santa went to see a gal for marriage. Their families decided to leave them for some talk. After some time, Santa asks: Behenji, tusin kinne behen-bhai ho? Girl: Vaise taan 3 si, par hun 4 ho gaye.

Santa: Tainu tairna aanda hai? Banta: No Santa: Tere naalon ta kutte changey ne jehre tair lende ne Banta: Tenu tairna aanda hai? Santa: Aaho Banta: Pher tere te kutte ch ki farak hai?

MUNNA BHAI visits Mysore palace. CIRCUIT: bhai us kursi par mat baithna. MUNNA: kaiku ? CIRCUIT: wo tipu sultan ki he bhai. MUNNA: tension kaiku leta he re maamu ? aayega to uth jaunga re ,i shappath!

CIRCUIT : Bhai, who apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla
aaj raat ko dinner pe. Mera Sara chain collection apnay
kamray mein chupa do na please.

MUNNABHAI : Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?
CIRCUIT : Nahin Bhai, who apnay chain pechan lega.

Circuit: Bhai america mein address puchega tho kya bolne ka Munna: Dhobhi Ghaat Circuit: Bhai english mein bolneka tho? Munna: Washington

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher

TEACHER : Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!;

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father
didn't punish him?"
LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.

TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE : I is…
TEACHER : No, Millie….. Always say, "I am."
MILLIE : All right… "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!

TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Maria!

MUNNA BHAI : Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT : Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI : Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT : Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.

MAMU : Chand toh raat ko nikalta hai, aaj din mein kaise nikal aya?

GIRL : Ullu to raat ko bolta hai, aaj din mein kaise bol pada?

CIRCUIT : Bhai, Bapu ne bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai. Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai.

MUNNA BHAI : Aye Circuit, woh Sunita ka baap aya hai terayko dund rehla hai.

CIRCUIT : Bhai usko bolo apun gaon gaya hai, kheti karneko.

MUNNA BHAI : Par Circuit, abhi to tu bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.

CIRCUIT : Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na.

PROFESSOR : Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jantey ho?

MUNNA BHAI : Gandhi bahut jabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam, par apun ko yeh nehin malum ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over
and whispers to the
boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his
girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents,
come on in

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner
with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to
her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love
for the first time.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like
to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the
family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his
first
time and all.

बंता: इतना उदास क्यों हो?
संता: पत्नी से झगडा हुआ! वो बोली 30 दिन तक बात नहीं करुँगी!
बंता: तुम्हें तो खुश होना चाहिये!
संता: आज आखिरी दिन है!

डाक्टर: आपके 3 दांत कैसे टूट गए?
संता: जी वो मेरी पत्नी ने कड़क रोटी बनाई थी!
डाक्टर: तो खाने से मना कर देते!
संता: जी वही तो किया था!

संता घोड़े पर जा रहा था और रेड लाइट पार कर ली! पुलिस वाले ने रोकने की कोशिश की तो संता ने घोड़े की पूछ उठा कर कहा लो अब करो-अब करो नंबर नोट!

बंता: हमने मोबाइल मैरिज ब्यूरो शुरू किया है! `रिश्ते के लिये एक दबाये, मंगनी के लिये 2 दबाए, शादी के लिये 3 दबाये`!
संता: मैं दूसरी शादी के लिये क्या दबाऊ?
बंता: दूसरी शादी के लिए पहली पत्नी का गला दबाइए!

संता: बचपन में अगर माँ की बात सुन ली होती तो आज ये दिन न देखना पड़ता!
बंता: माँ क्या कहती थी?
संता: जब बात ही नहीं सुनी तो क्या पता, क्या कहती थी!

संता: और काजू लीजिये न!
मेहमान: नहीं शुक्रिया, मैं पहले ही 4 खा चुका हूँ!
संता: वैसे खाये तो आपने 8 हैं, पर चलो यहाँ कौन गिन रहा है?

बंता: हमने मोबाइल मैरिज ब्यूरो शुरू किया है! `रिश्ते के लिये एक दबाये, मंगनी के लिये 2 दबाए, शादी के लिये 3 दबाये`!
संता: मैं दूसरी शादी के लिये क्या दबाऊ?
बंता: दूसरी शादी के लिए पहली पत्नी का गला दबाइए!

संता: दुनिया का सबसे बड़ा और खतरनाक जादू कहाँ होता है?
बंता: नहीं पता?
संता: ब्यूटी पार्लर में!

काले बादल छाये हुये थे, तब संता को अपनी गर्ल फ्रेंड से थप्पड़ पड़ गया .... क्यों?
क्योंकि उसकी गर्ल फ्रेंड का रंग काला था और उसने गाना गाया, `आज दिन चड़ेया तेरे रंग वरगा`!

संता माइक्रोसोफ्ट के ऑफिस में इण्टरव्यू के लिये गया!
इन्टर्व्यूअर: जावा के 4 वर्जन बताओ?
संता: मर जावा, मिट जावा, लुट जावा और सदके जावा!

संता: मैं बचपन में बहुत ताकतवर था!
बंता: वो कैसे?
संता: माँ कहती है कि जब मैं रोता था तो सारा घर सर पर उठा लेता था!

बॉस: एक अच्छा सा शीशा लाओ, जिसमे मुझे मेरा मुँह दिखाई दे!
संता: बॉस मुझे नहीं मिला, मैं सब दुकानों में गया पर सबमे मेरा ही मुँह दिखाई दे रहा था!

संता डाक्टर से: आप बिना दर्द किये दांत निकाल सकते हो?
डाक्टर: नहीं!
संता: मैं निकाल सकता हूँ!
डाक्टर: कैसे?
संता: हा हा हा हा!

संता: मैं बचपन में बहुत ताकतवर था!
बंता: वो कैसे?
संता: माँ कहती है कि जब मैं रोता था तो सारा घर सर पर उठा लेता था!

संता: प्रीतो, माना की ज़िन्दगी की परेशानियां शराब पीने से हल नहीं होती पर होती तो यह दूध पीने सी भी नहीं है!

संता: भगवान् मुझे दर्द दे, दुःख दे, टेंशन दे, मुझे बर्बाद कर दे, मेरे पीछे भूत लगा दे!
भगवान्: अबे साले एक लाइन में बोल कि बीवी चाहिये!

संता के पिता अमेरिका से वापिस आये!
पिता: तेरी माँ कहाँ है?
संता: वो तो मर गई!
पिता: तो तुमने बताया क्यों नहीं?
संता: मैंने सोचा आपको सर्प्राइज़ दूंगा!

संता: आज टीवी पर 30 फीट का सांप दिखाने वाले हैं!
बंता: अच्छा! पर मैं नहीं देख सकूंगा!
संता: क्यों?
बंता: मेरा टीवी सिर्फ 21 इंच का ही है!

जीतो: मैं तुम्हारी याद में 15 दिन में ही आधी हो हो गई हूँ, मुझे लेने कब आ रहे हो?
संता: 15 दिन और रुक जाओ!

संता: भगवान् मुझे दर्द दे, दुःख दे, टेंशन दे, मुझे बर्बाद कर दे, मेरे पीछे भूत लगा दे!
भगवान्: अबे साले एक लाइन में बोल कि बीवी चाहिये!

बंता: शादी क्या है?
संता: कुंवारों के लिये `एलपेनलिबे`, जी ललचाये रहा न जाये और शादीशुदा के लिये `क्लोर्मिंट`, दुबारा मत पूछना!.

Santa is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While Santa is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Santa was keeping the lug nuts. The nuts are all knocked into...

Once president BUSH went to a school. After have a brief talk with the children he asked them if they had any questions to ask him.

One boy raised his hand and stood up.
Bush: what's your name?
John: john
Bush: what's your question?
John: sir I have three questions
1) Why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO?
2) Where is Osama?
3) Why do America support Pakistan so much?

Bush: you are an intelligent student john… (Just then the bell for recess rang).
Oh dear students we will continue after the recess is over.
After the recess
Bush: ok children where were we? Yes, so anybody wants to ask any question?
Peter raises his hand
Bush: What's your name?
Peter: sir I have 5 questions.
1) Why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO?
2) Where is Osama?
3) Why do America support Pakistan so much?
4) Why did recess bell rang 20 mins before the scheduled time?
5) Where is JOHN?

Tofani barish mein rat ko,
shop per 1 admi pizza lenay aaya
SHOPKEEPER: Aap married hein?
Admin:Is tofani barish mein kia
meri maa mujhey pizza lenay bhejay gi?

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?"

"What dear?" She asked gently.

"I think you bring me bad luck."

Ek sardar se kissi ne poocha k sardar ji agar app ko garmi lagy to app
kya karo gay?
sardar bola jenab hum a.c k pass ja k beth jain gay,
admai ne bola jenab agar phir bhi appko garmi lagy to kya karo gay?
sardar bola, jenab tab hum a.c on kar lain gay.

Adhikari-Mantriji,Baadh Ka Pani Khatre K Nishan Ko Chhu Rha H,Kya Kare?

Mantri:Khatre K Nishan Ko 3 Feet Or Upar Kar Do

after marriage]
Santa-oye, bhabi ka kya nam hai?

banta-google kaur!

santa-aisa kyu?

banta-sawal ek oucho jawab 10 milta hai.

Worst PJ..
Wo kaunsi cheez hai jo fridge me rakhane ke baad bhi garam rehti hai?
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Kya hua nai pata...
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Ans-garam masala..JSK

1 jaat ne apni kharab car k niche kutte ko leta hua dekha.
to kutte ko 1 dum se khicha or kaha "Bahar likad kamin tanne banau Automobile Engineer..."

Girlfriend to Santa: Me tum se tabi shaadi karungi jab tum koi sahsi kaam kar ke dikhaoge.
Funny Santa: Tum se shaadi karne se jyada sahsi kaam aur kya ho sakta hai?

BOY- I LOVE YOU DEAR will u marry me??
GIRL- ye to purana hai koi naya style ???

BOY -Apni LAASH ko aag lagane ka MOUKA mere Bete ko degi kya?????????

Ek videshi aadmi ek INDIAN se bola: INDIA gareeb desh hai. INDIAN replied: Kutte jitna oil tum log saal bhar me khate ho, utna to hum ek shaniwaar ko SHANIDEV ko chadha dete hain.

Girl-Plz Send Me Some Good Jokes.
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BOY- Me Padhai Kar Raha Hu...

Aftr 2 min..

GIRL-Kya hua, Aur bhejo n??

Aaj ka Lover to his Girlfrnd-
Yu mat khinch tu mujhe apni taraf sanam

Branded T-shirt hai
Phat gyi toh bahut pitegi
Maa kasam

GOLU: Tum bheek Q mangte ho kuch kaam kyon nahi karte
Bhikari: Sahab kaam to tabhi karu jab is dhandey se fursat mille

Ek Aadmi
Dusre Aadmi Se

Ye Bachche Itne
Shararti Kyu Hote He?

Dusra Bola

Jo Cheez Banti
SharaRat Se He Wo
Sharif Kaise Ho sakti

Wife: Kal Aap Ne Girlfriend K Saath Movie Dekhi..??

Husband: Kya Karein,
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Aaj Kal Ki Movie Biwi Bachon Ya Family Ke Saath Dekhne Laayakh Kaha Hai.;-)

Policeman: tum ne
Beech road pe bus q rok di ???

Pathan: hum sheher me
Naya aya hay mgr
Qanoon nahi torta,
Wo samne dekho likha hy
"bus stop"
Tou hum ne rok dia

professor to a student in classroom.
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"hey" apne baaju wale ko utha....!
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Student-
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"tune sulaya hai to tu hi utha.....":):)

Policeman: tum ne
Beech road pe bus q rok di ???

Pathan: hum sheher me
Naya aya hay mgr
Qanoon nahi torta,
Wo samne dekho likha hy
"bus stop"
Tou hum ne rok dia

chhora...teri kalam ki syahi khatam hogi k??
chhori ...bawla h k.....likh to rah h yo..!!

chhora .....achha??...ek be apna phone number likh k dikha..

NEPALI KE MOBILE MEIN RAT 2 BAJE PHONE AYA....AAP SO TO NAHI RAHE HEIN. NEPALI GUSSE SE.....KAMINO YE JARORI NAHI KI HAR NEPALI CHOWKIDAR HO

A for apple.
B for bada apple.
C for chhota apple.
D for dusra apple.
E for ek aur apple.
F for fokat ka apple.
G for gol apple.
> > H for ho gaya na pet kharab khake itne apple

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over
and whispers to the
boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his
girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents,
come on in!"

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes
a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist
it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.

He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's
parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his
head.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like
to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the
family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his
first
time and all.

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner
with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to
her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love
for the first time.

Chand par kaali ghata chhaati to hogi,
Sitaron mein chamak aati to hogi.
Tum lakh chupao duniya se, par akele mein,
Tumhe apni shakal par hansi aati to Hogi

TajMahal Ki Diwarope Likha Hai,
KutubMinarki Diwaronpe Likha Hai,
Is Jahanki Har Minarope Likha Hai
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"YAHAN LIKHNA MANA HAI".

Ab tak meri life ek khuli bottle thi,
Jisme se sab perfume ki tarha udd jata tha.
Par aap ke aane se sab kuch ruk gaya.
Bhagwan kare aap jaisa DHAKKAN sabko mile!!!

Kabhi hausla bhi aazmana chahiye,
Bure waqt mein bhi muskurana chahiye,
Chahe kitni bhi thand pade,
Hafte mein ek baar to nahana hi chahiye.

Dil ke dard ko zuban par laate nahi,
Hum apni aankhon se ansu bahate nahi,
Zakhm chahe kitne hi gahre kyon na ho,
Hum Detol ke siva kuch laagate nahi.

Jab dekha unhone tirchhi nazar se,
To hum madhosh ho gaye,
Par jab pata chala ki nazare hi tirchhi hai,
To hum behosh ho gaye...!!!

University ki galion mein ajeeb khel hota hai,
Class ke bahane dilon ka male hota hai,
Padhne ki jagah luvmail hoat hai,
Isliye to Pappu har saal fail hota hai.

Machchar ne apko kata wo uska Junun tha,
Aapne Khujli ki wo apka Sukun tha ,,,,,,,,,,
Chah kar bhi aapne use nahi mara,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Kyonki uski naso me apka he khoon tha

Haathon mein taqat hai to, pahaad ko hila kar dekh.
Warna aa baith ke do peg maar aur pahaad ko hilta hua dekh.

Life Was Lonely,
No One Was There,
I Had No Good Friend,
And When U Came Into My Life,
I Realised That…
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:
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"Akele He Theek Tha Yaar"

Wife: Aap bahut mote ho gae ho
Husband: Tum bhi to kitni moti ho gai ho
Wife: Mai to maa banne wali hu
Husband: Mai b to baap banne wala hu

The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager kissing his secretary.

He shouted at him, "Is this what I pay you for?"

The manager replied: "No, sir, this I do free of charge."

Maa ne kaha HAWELI chhod do,
Paro ne kaha DARU chhod do,
1 din aayega jab Girlfriend kahegi: Bhaiyya In Bacchon Ko Jara School Chhod Do..

Tujh Pe Likhna Shuru Kahan Se Karun,
Adda Se Karun Ya Haya Se Karun,
Tu To Itna Khubsurat Hai Ae "DOST",
Mumkin Hi Nahi K Teri Tareef Zuban Se Karun

If your lovable ones becomes angry with you,,
don't take it seriously. becoz, angriness is the
most childish & true way of showing deep care.

I have lots of jokes in my inbox,
But I can't send you all of them,
It will take a lot of time,
So I'm sending you just 1 joke
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"You are so beautiful"

Kareena has small!
Rakhi has big!
Rani maukheerji has 1 big and 1 small
Aishwarya rai has too small

Kareena has small!
Rakhi has big!
Rani maukheerji has 1 big and 1 small
Aishwarya rai has too small

What's that?

???

The letter 'R'
But i like the way you think!!

Angry boss: Tumne kabhi Ullu dekha hai?
Employee (sar jhukate hue): Nahin sir.
Boss: Niche kya dekh rahe ho? Meri taraf dekho.

Q: Why do bicycles fall over?
A: Because they are two-tired!

Student:exam ke liee tension ho rahi hai, magar meine kiyse exam me pass karunga?

Teacher: pass karne ke liee exam ke tension bad dena parega

Student:keyse mujhko chalak karunga?
Teacher:boka logo ki sath ghurna.

Teacher: jet biman itni jorse kiun sut ta hai?
Student: kiun ki uski lez par aag hai uss lyee.

Ek School pe ek ladka bahut der se ghar ke bahar khada school ki ghanti bajane ki kosish kar raha tha.Toh ek Pion aaya aur kaha:

Pion: Kya kar rahe ho beta?

Ladka: Uncle, yeh ghanti bajana chahta hu.

Pion (ghanti bajake): Yeh lo bajgaya, or school ki sob students chuti ho gaya samajh kar bahar a gaya tab pion ne kaha,ab kya hai

Master: How Old is ur father?
Pappu: As old as I am.
Master: How is it possible?
Pappu: He became father only after I was born.

Patni:-sharab peen eke baad kya tumhe mera naam bhi yaad nahin rehta?
Pati:-pee lene ke baad to main har gam bhool jata hoon,meri jaan.

Nai nai car chalana sikhi biwi:aaj hum car se jaenge aur car main chalaungi.
Pati:-kon nahin,jaenge car main aur aaenge akhbaar main.

Husband ek rat kagaj mein likh kar rakha 7 am par mujhe jara dak dena
Wife woh dekh kar likha: already 7am. Baj gaya.

Swami: basar rat mein uski wife ko 100 rs. De kar sorry bola, mujhe bhul ho gaye, sab samay deta hu to habit ho gaya.
Patni: tum to mujhko rupee de rahe ho, mein to mere cousin ko free dia.

Ek din ek busstand me vul kar yatri log gaitlok samajh kar
Local gari me uth gaya, gari to rukh rukh kar jata hay
Yatri:keya hua bhai gari to rukh rukh kar jata hay kiu?
Helper: yeh to local hai..
Yatri: local aur gatelock yeh to tum log dega us lie yatri log samassa mein parega kiun?

Patni:tumhare paas koi arman pesh kar gaya to tum bola paysa nahi hai.

Pati:keyaa nahi di tumko? To jo tumko dena parega uski paas jao na.

Pati:mehman ko khana dia magar chamach kiu nahi dia?

Patni:voi paa karke.

Pati:kasko voi pa kar.

Patni:usko chamach hai ye jodi samajh jayee iss lyee.

Pati:kaha ja rahe ho?

Patni: Jahannam par.

Pati: Thank you,jao.

Bibi:kyeaa hua tumko aj bohot khus najar a raha hai?
Pappu:nahi kuch nahi. Tum bahar ja rahe ho iss lyee
Bibi: uss lyee tumhare khus hone se kyeaa irada hai.
Pappu: meri ek dawat hai meine vi uha jaunga. Tum agar bahar jaoge tab maine bahar jane parunga na!!!

Shaadi karne ki baad aur shaadi karne ki aage

1. tumhare baat kokil ki tarah hai.
dhat,kan ki kach me ghanor ghanor nahi karna

2. biswas karo, meine tumko bina nahi reh parunga.
har baat me tum tumhari bap ki baari jane ke baat nahi karna, jao na tumko koun rokha hai?

3. tumko liee maine hajar saal bachna parunga.
uff, tumhare sansar mein mere jiban ekbare biss ho gaya.

Aapko dhund raha hai

4. future ki baat soch kar ek moment par aap crore paysa kharcha kar sakti hai.
Aapko dhund raha hai Political dall ne(Aapko election par khare karne ke liee).

5. onle ek abul biri ke liee aap ek aadmi ki hatma kar sakti hai.
Aapko dhund raha hai RAB(dunia ki narak dekhne ke liee).

6. aapki do haat mein kharach karna paroge?
Aapko dhund raha hai ladkione.

7. keyaa aap ek palak par jo vi opokarm karna parte hai?
Aapko dhund raha hai Police force

Wife: Ma bachunga nahi Marr jaongi...

Husband : Mein bhi Marr jaon ga!

Wife : Mein to Bimaar hoon isleya marr jaungi tum kyon maro gaey ?

Husband : Mein itni Khushi Bardasht nahi kar sakta !

Wife: Ma bachunga nahi Marr jaongi...

Husband : Mein bhi Marr jaon ga!

Wife : Mein to Bimaar hoon isleya marr jaungi tum kyon maro gaey ?

Husband : Mein itni Khushi Bardasht nahi kar sakta !

Pyar b ajab shay he

Maa se payar hota hai to Ebadat
Baap se payar hota hai to Muqadas
Bhai se payar hota hai to Aqidat
Didi se payar hota hai ho to Farz
&
Wife se payar hota hai to
sab kehte hen k SALA BIWI ka GHULAM H hain

Husband: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein pagal ho jaaunga.

Wife: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey na ?

Husband: Pagal ka kya hai, o kuch bhi kar sakta hai

Ek makeup sacheton lady ne mritu kaal par uski pati se daka.
Pati:bolo tumhara antim issa keya hai?
Patni:mere marne ke bad meri sundar tasbir akhbar pe chapne par mere age math likhna.
Pati:kiun?
Patni:kiun ki log ye jan jayega ke meine budhi ho gaya tha.

Husband wife ki godi me leta hua tha,
Wife – kesa lag raha he ji?
Husband- jese visnu bhagwan shesnaag ki god me lete ho.

Pati:-mani abhi saree ka fanda banakar faansi laga loonga.
Patni:-kya gajab karte ho,nai saree hai.

Patni:- main tumhare bina mar jaaungi.
Pati:-main bhi mar jaaunga. Itni khushi main bardasht nahin kar paaunga.

Patni: -suno ji,aapko mujhme kya achcha lagta hai. meri samajhdari ya meri beauty.
pati: -mujhe to tumhari ye mazak karne ki aadat bahot pasand hai.

patni: Aap bahut mote ho gaye ho.
pati: Tum bhi to kitni moti ho gayi ho.
patni: Main to maa banne wali hoon!
pati: Main bhi to baap banne wala hoon

pati: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan kahin chhupa kar rakh do, padosi aa rahe hain.
patni: Kyonji ! kya Aapke dost chura lenge?
pati: are Nahin, who apna saaman pehchaan lenge.

patni : suno ji, bus me aapko logo neitna kyon mara?
pati : Are mera ek photo bus main ek aurt ke pair ke niche gir gaya tha aur mene kaha
madam zara saree uper kijiye photo lena hai….

Patni:-kyon jab main moti hojaaungi,tab bhi tum mujhe aise hi pyaar karoge?
Pati:-bilkul nahin, maine sirf such dukh main saath dene ka vaada kiya tha.

Pati:-main jeevan main aaj jo kuch bhi bana hoon,apne aap bana hoon.
Patni:-lo, main aaj tak bekar hi bhagwaan ko kosti rahi.

Patni – Collage ke bare me tumhara koi bura anubhav hai?
Pati – Han, Tumhari aur meri paheli mulakat college me he to hui thi.

Patni:- main tumse jo kuch bhi kahti hu tum ek kaan se sunkar doosre se nikaal dete ho.
Pati:-aur main tumse kuch bhi kahta hu to tum dono kaan se sunkar muh se nikaal deti ho.

Ek photographer ke pass ek aurat aai aur
boli – Maine apane miya se kaha tha ki topi
pahankar photo mat khinchana lekin topi
utarana bul gaye.Kya aap yeh topi hata
sakate hain?

Photographer Ne Kaha – Ji han lekin aap
yah to bataiye ki aapke shauhar sidhi mang
nikalate hain yan ulati?

Aurat Boli – Jab aap topi utarenge tab khud
dekh lijiyega

Ek photographer ke pass ek aurat aai aur
boli – Maine apane miya se kaha tha ki topi
pahankar photo mat khinchana lekin topi
utarana bul gaye.Kya aap yeh topi hata
sakate hain?

Ek jagadalu patani pati par baras rahi thi
aur wah bichara deen sakal banaye hue
baitha tha.Patni bol rahi thi kayar kahin
ke ,tum aadami ho ki chuhe?

Patni (Pati Se) – Collage ke bare me
tumhara koi katu anubhav hai?

Pati (Patani Se) – Han, Tumhari aur
meri paheli mulakat college me he to
hui thi.

Aug 29, 2011

Aug 28, 2011

Aug 26, 2011

Aug 25, 2011

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