what a Confidence! , funny jokes, sardar jokes

what a Confidence!

The president of a country was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade
next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. President!" a heavily accented voice said, "This is Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala,Punjab. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!"

"Well, Gurmukh," President replied, "This is indeed important news!
How big is your army"

"Right now," said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbour Bhagat, and the entire kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight"

The President paused. "I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

Arrey O! Main kya.. " said Gurmukh. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.

"Mr. President, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh" the President asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor."

President sighed. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."

"Oh teri ...." said Gurmukh. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.

"Mr. President, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne...... We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!"

Mr. President was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided,surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Tera pala hove...." said Gurmuk, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.

"Kiddan, Mr. President! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said the President. "Why the sudden change of heart"

"Well," said Gurmukh, "we've all had a long chat over a couple of lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of wars!

Sardar jokes

Would like to play chess to kill time.

Banta : 'Oye Gar(r)y. You think I don't know who you are?. I can't compete with a world champion'

Gary : 'How about if I play left handed ?'

Banta : [Think.. Think..] 'OK!'

Banta is demolished in 4 moves... and is very upset through-out the rest of the journey. On landing he meets his friend Santa Singh.

Banta : Hey! You know what! I played Chess with Gary Kasparov and he defeated me inspite of him playing left-handed.....

Santa : Oye ullu-de pathey!! He sure did fool you!! You know what!! Gary IS LEFT-HANDED!!

Funy jokes

1 girl ask 2 pappu : woh kia hai jo cow k paas 4 or mere paas 2 hain?
pappu : legs

Girl : woh kia hai jo tumhari pant main hai aur meri pant mein nahi hai?
pappu: paisay

Girl : woh kia hai jo log din main karne k bajaye ko raat bistar pe kartay hain
pappu: neend puri karte hain

girl : woh kia hai jo larki pehli daffa karwate huye pain
ki wajah se roti hai?
pappu : kaan main ched

MORAL : aap bhi apni zehniat pappu ki tarhan saaf rakhain

Funny jokes

Girl to boy: Tum larkay kisi larki mei
sub se pehlay kia daikhte ho ?

Boy: Yeh tou depend karta hai k
larki aa rahi hay ya ja rahi hai …:p

A doctor gets a visit from a patient who is not able to get an *****ion.

Doctor: Are you married?

Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you masturbate?

Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you visit prostitutes?

Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you have girlfriends?

Patient: No.

Doctor: To phir khada karke kya calender taangega?

Funny jokes

A Man and his wife were in a court for their divorce case.
The Problem was who should get custody of the child.
The wife screamed and jumped up and said: "Your Honor. I brought The child into the world with all the pain and labor.
The child Should be in my custody."

The judge turned to the husband and said: "What do you have to Say in your defense?"

The man sat for a while contemplating. ..then slowly rose.

"Your Honor… If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine and a Pepsi Comes out…

Whose Pepsi is it… The machine's or mine ?

Funny jokes

Apko kabhi meri koi BAAT ya SMS bura lage to aap ko pura haq hai ki,
Aap apna MOBILE zor se DIWAR me mar de,
Kyo ki aapki KUSHI me hi meri kushi hai.?

Funny jokes

Kal Rat kitab meri mujhe dekhti rahi, Or neend mujhe apni taraf khasit ti rhi, Neend ka jhoka mera mann moh gya, Kal raat fir 1 honhar student bina pdhe soo gaya.