JOKES: July 2011

Jul 29, 2011

SARDAR JOKES

This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start
approaching, he was hiding under his seat when his friend asks him ;kyon
sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai.; Sardarji
replies ;Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai, lekin voh to
janwar hai, usko kya pata"

SARDAR JOKES

SARDAR:: Beta ye kaisi machis lay kar aaye ho ek bhi nahi jal rahi
SON :: kya baat kartay ho pappa sub check kar kay laya hoooon

SARDAR JOKES

SARDAR:: Beta ye kaisi machis lay kar aaye ho ek bhi nahi jal rahi
SON :: kya baat kartay ho pappa sub check kar kay laya hoooo

SARDAR JOKES

Day a monkey kicked a sarder on his back and run away.Sarder run to catch him and find a zebra in the field.Sarder kicked the zebra on his back and said " Salla Trackshut pahenke dhoka de raha tha..."

SARDAR JOKES

A Sardar went 2 hotel, ordered chiken, Waiter comes with the order, Surdar:Murgi di taang kithe hai? Waiter:Woh langra tha. Surdar: Dil? Waiter:Dil murgi le gayee. Surdar: Dimaag? Waiter: Murga SARDAR tha!

SARDAR JOKES

sardar g nay hotel may aik aissie larki ki demand ki jissay AIDS ho
wajah poochi tu sardar g nay kaha"mere say meri biwi ko aids homeri biwi say mere bhai ko,bhai say bhabi ko,bhabi say,papa ko,papa say mama ko,mama say parosee ko, tab usay pata chalay ga k sardar ki maan saay sex karnay ka kiya injaam hota hai

SARDAR JOKES

Ek american ek sardar se kaha hamare yahan saadi e-mail se bhi hoti hai isper sardar bola kamal hai hamare yahan to sirf female se hoti hai

SARDAR JOKES

One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

SARDAR JOKES

SARDARNI SAY:- aji sunday o..Aj 3 dako aaye see.. unhaan nay mere izat lut laee jay.
SARDAR SAY:- toon onhaan noo rokya naeen....?
SARDARNI REPLIES:- bohot rokya see... per o rukay e naeen.... kehen lagay HUN SANO JAAN DAY...ASSI THAK GAEE AAN

SARDAR JOKES

do sardar ja rahah hote hain,k samne se eik pregnant auorat aa rahih hoti hai,sardar dousre sardar se khata hain kiyaa is ko bhi laal chuti ne kaata hain

SARDAR JOKES

sardar married to a short girl.people asked to sardar why you married such a short girl. He replied our guru gee says maseebat jitni choti ho utna he acha hota hay.

SARDAR JOKES

ek sardar shadi se phley apni bewi ko gana sunata hai mera mehbob mary sanam or sahdi key bad mai kery pasey jawona mai manji kethy dawna

SARDAR JOKES

WHY WAS SARDAR JEE ARRESTED IN A POLITICAL RALLY. BECOZ HE SAW A GIRL GOING AROUND WITH A BADGE ON HER CHEST WHICH SAID"PRESS" AND SARDAR JEE PRESSED IT.

SARDAR JOKES

ek sradar sochta raha...sochta raha... sochta raha... saari zindagi sochta raha aur sochtay sochtay hi mar gaya k meri behan k 3 bhai hain tau mere 2 kyoun????

SARDAR JOKES

a sardar on an interview for the post of detective was asked a question.
interviewer : Who Killed Gandhi Gee?
Sardar : Thanks for giving me the job i will investigate.

SARDAR JOKES

Sardar Get Engaged with girl,
soon he came 2 know she had no affair b4,
he brokn the relation every 1 asked the reason!He said
"JO KISI OR KI NA HO SAKI WOH MERI KIA HOGI"

SARDAR JOKES

Sardar: Prito "Ek wari I LOVE YOU keh day"
Prito: "Nahi Sharam Andi Ey"
Sardar: "Keh Day NA"
Prito: "Nahi Na"
Sardar: "Dhake To Fir Meri Bahen Nahi"

SARDAR JOKES

a sardar bunked his office and went home and found his wife on bed with his boss.he run back and told his
coleagues :YAAR AJ TU MIEN BASS PAKAR GIA TA.

SARDAR JOKES

a grl in a wedding ceremony want 2 go 2 da toilet. she asked a sardar, sardarji su su kernay ki jaga dikhao.
sardar replied u naughty girl pehlay tum dikhao.

SARDAR JOKES

sardarji (raste se jate samay friend se ek chig dekhake):
are yar main ese kahi dekha hain
second sardarji:han main bhi ese kahi dekha hain
first sardarji(use sungh kar ):are yar yad aaraha hain.
second sardarji:ha muse bhi yad aa raha hain.
first saradarji:test leta hain aur kahata hain are yar yah
to gobar hain acha huaa main es per pair nahi diya.

SARDAR JOKES

SARDARNE 2 SARDR SARDAR G MAIN NE AJ PANE KO BEWAKOOF BANAYA SARDAR.WO KAISAY SARDARNE.
MAIN NE PANE GARAM KYA PER THANDAY SE NAHA LYA HA HA HA BABLOO

SARDAR JOKES

Ek sardar exame dene gaya to apnay saath palumber ko saath le kar gaya.
guess karo kyun le kar gaya?
aray yaar simple hai us ko yeh news mili thi k paper leage ho gaya. ha ha ha ha ha ha.

SARDAR JOKES

teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"

SARDAR JOKES

A sardarji photographer is focusing a dead body's face in a funeral function,
suddenly all dead persons relatives beat him. why? He said "SMILE PLEASE"

SARDAR JOKES

Sardarji is filling up a job application...........................
He promptly fills in the lines on Name, Age, Addr,& etc.
Then came the column Salary Expected.....................
After much thought he writes: Yes.............................

SARDAR JOKES

Sardar: Will u merry , after i die .
Wife : No i wiil live with my sister.
Wife : Will u marry , after i die .
Sardar: No i will also live with ur sister.

SARDAR JOKES

2 Sardars looking at Egyptian mummy.Sardar1:Look so many bandages, pakka truck accident case. Sardar2: Aaho, truck nambar bhi likha hai. BC-1760!!

SARDAR JOKES

Sardar on phone "Doctor my wife is pregnant. She is having pain right now".
Doctor: Is this her first child?
Sardar: No this is her husband speaking............

Jul 28, 2011

Dil me mat jalana,

Ummido ki shama dil me mat jalana,
is jahan se alag duniya mat basana,
aaj bas mood me tha to SMS kar diya,
par roj intezar me palke mat bichana!

DIL mein basi hai

DIL mein basi hai dosti teri,
Ankho me basi hai tasveer teri,
Jab be aaye yaad humko teri,
Hum dekhte hai Tom N Jerry

4 Stages of marriage

4 Stages of marriage:
Mad for each other.
Made for each other.
Mad at each other.
Mad bcoz of each other

Jul 27, 2011

DAARU  aur namkeen leke jana

SAnta:- Angrejo ne CHAAND pe
PANI aur BARAF ki khoj kar li hai...
Banta:- Humney ab sirf DAARU
aur namkeen leke jana hai...

Tips for a Blissful Life:

Tips for a Blissful Life:
LIVE without pretending,
LOVE without depending,
LISTEN without defending,
SPEAK without offending...!!

Monday Is a Weak Day

Q. Which Day Is Stronger?
Sunday Or Monday???
The Answer Is..!
Sunday
Coz
Monday Is a Weak Day

A students life

What is d most proudest moment in
a students life and specially at time of exam..????
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Standin in middle of d exam nd asking
"Whoever has my answersheet plz return"...

Santa Banta Jokes

Santa- maine apni biwi ko 12th karwayi
fir b.sc,fir m.sc,fir usko job b
lagwa di.ab or kya karwau?
Banta- acha sa ladka dekh k shadi b karde

Bohat kiss liye

One boy went to meet his girlfriend
when he came back at home
mom asked
kahaan gaey they ?
boy:us se milney
mom: kis liye?
boy: haan bohat kiss liye

Husband Wife Jokes

Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.
So i bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: why three?
Husband: 4 u and ur parents

Problem and Talent

What is diffrence between
problem & talent?
2 boys love 1 girl= problem!
1 boy love 2 girls= talent.

Bheegy Mosam Ki Bheegi Si Raat

Bheegy Mosam Ki Bheegi Si Raat
Bheegi Si Yaad
Bhuli Hui Baat
Bhula Hua Waqt
Wo Bheegi c Aankhaiâ€™n
Wo Beeta Hua Saath
Mubarak Ho Aap Ko
Barish Ki Pehli Barsaat

Shoot him! Shoot him!

In an African Safari,
a LION suddenly bounced on Banta's wife.
Wife- Shoot him! Shoot him!
Banta- Yes yes wait...
I'm changing d battery of my camera..

That trust ends!

IN every friendship misunderstanding does exists.
but it doesn't mean that trust ends!
Its simply shows a way to get
1 step closer to ur closed ones!

O meri jaan

O meri jaan
banaras ki pan
dosti ki aan
pyar ki shaan
hathi k dhaan
mere butter naan
maan ya na maan
but i really mis u shaitan!!!

intelliLADIES

Boys are always intelligent than girls
Want proof? Ok read dis. We always say
"intelliGENTS"
Have u ever heard
"intelliLADIES

Difference Between  Boyfriend And Motorbike???

What's The Difference Between
Boyfriend And Motorbike???
Motor Bike Is First Kicked And Then Used...
But A Boyfriend Is First Used And Then Kicked

What Is FACEBOOK ?

What Is FACEBOOK ?
.
.
.
.
Its A Place Where Boy Posts
Joke, Gets No Response...
And
If Girl Posts The Same Joke,
She Gets 150 Likes, 300 Comments
& 60 Friends Requests.

Jul 25, 2011

Husband-Wife jokes

Patni: swamiji ne kahaa ke swarg mein pati patni ko saath rehne nahi dete hai
Pati: isiliye usae swarg kehete hai :-)

Examiner santa se

Examiner santa se: yeh kya hai? tumne khaali paper kyu diye ho?
Santa: kyunki neatness ke liye 5 marks hai, isliye

SANTA-BANTA

Santa: "impossible" shabd mere dictionary mein nahi hai
Banta: arey yaar, ab bataake kyaa faayda. dictionary lete samay check karlenaa thaa na

SANTA-BANTA

Santa: "impossible" shabd mere dictionary mein nahi hai
Banta: arey yaar, ab bataake kyaa faayda. dictionary lete samay check karlenaa thaa na

SANTA-BANTA

Santa: Tumhe kyu arrest kiya gayaa hai?
banta: maine 50 rupaye ka chillar diya. isliye.
santa: usme kya galti hai?
banta: maine chillar mein do 25 rupaye ka note diyaa tha :-)

SANTA ND RAMU

Ramu: tum kaunsi soap use karte ho?
Banta: Main Santa Soap, Santa Paste aur Santa Shampoo use karta hoo
Ramu: wo kya international brand hai kya?
Banta: nahi, santa mera room mate hai.

SANTA-BANTA

Santa: agar electricity nahi hota to kya hota?
Banta: raat mein candle light mein TV dekhna padta tha

SANTA-BANTA

Santa: tumhaara beta bilkul tumhaara jaisa hi dikhtaa hai.
Banta: dheere se bol... woh padosi ka beta hai

SANTA-BANTA

Santa: tumhaara beta bilkul tumhaara jaisa hi dikhtaa hai.
Banta: dheere se bol... woh padosi ka beta hai

Sorry santa

Santa apne bete ko: is baar agar exam mein fail huaa, to mujhe pitaji mat bulaana.
kuch din ke baad,
Santa: result ka kya hua?
Santa ka beta: sorry santa

SANTA ND BANTA

Santa: main shaadi karke khush rahna chaahtaa hoo.
Banta: arey yaar, mazaak mat karo. hasne ki mood nahi hai.

Akbar kaun tha

Teacher: Akbar kaun tha?
Student: pata nahi sir.
Teacher: padaai ke taraf dyaan do, pataa chalegaa
Student: Aap battayiye. Suresh kaun hai?
Teacher: pata nahi.
Student: apni beti ki taraf dyaan dijiye, pata chalega

Teacher nd Student

Teacher: tumhaara homework kyu tumhaare pitaa ke handwriting main hai?
Student: maine unka pen use kiyaa thaa sir

woh 5 marks kaise mila

Teacher: 5 mark lekar bhi tum has kyu rahe ho?
Student: main yeh soch raha hoo ke woh 5 marks kaise mila :-)

Zebra hai sir

Teacher: duniya ke sabse puraana praani kaunsi hai?
Student: zebra hai sir
Teacher: kaise:
Student: kyunki, woh black and white hai na

has kyu rahe ho?

Teacher: 5 mark lekar bhi tum has kyu rahe ho?
Student: main yeh soch raha hoo ke woh 5 marks kaise mila :-)

LKG student

Teacher: Tumhaara Maa kaa naam kya hai?
LKG student: Mummy

Anpad baap

Anpad baap: jaise bhi ho, 4 saal ka apna padaai pooraa kardiye. aage kya karoge?
Beta: ji, arrears naam ka ek course hai, use pooraa karna hai.

sunti hi nahi hai

Principal: class ko der kyu pahunche?
Student: sir, gaadi puncture ho gaya tha
Principal: to tumhe bus mein aana tha
Student: socha tha sir, lekin aapki beti sunti hi nahi ha

udhaaharan do

Teacher: varthamaan, bhoot aur bhavishyat kaal ke udhaaharan do
Student: Madam, kal maine aapki beti ko dekha, aaj main usse pyar kar rahaa hoo aur kal usse shaadi karungaa

KAMAL HAI

American: Hamare yahan shaadi e-mail se bhi hoti hai.

Hindi Comedy man: Kamal hai hamare yahan to shaadi sirf female se hoti hai.

KAL ANNA

Bhikhari: Sahib ik rupaiya de do.

Sahib: Kal anna.

Funny Bhikhari: Iss kal kal ke chakkar mein iss colony mein mere lakhon rupaiye fasse hue hai!

Baba ji ka dera

Baba Ji ka dera bohot chamatkari hai. Sach mano vaha jo bhi koi buri niyat se jata hai, jalke bhasam ho jata hai.

Salman vaha gaya to bhasam ho gaya, Hrithik bhi bhasam ho gaya. Malika vaha gayi to…

….to anarth ho gaya….

Babaji jalke bhasam ho gaye!!

sath vali chali

Ek train bohot time baad chali.

Muslim kehta: Ya Ali bla tali.

Hindu kehta: Jai Bajrang Bali.

Funny Sardar kehta: Arre Ali aur Bali, train apni nahi, saath vali chali !!!

musharrf nd funny santa

Musharraf: Jab main paida hua tha to military valon ne 51 topen chalai.

Funny Santa: Kamal hai ji, sabka nishana chook gaya?

Judge nd Lawyer

Judge: Tum apni limit cross kar rahe ho.
Lawyer: Kaun saala aisa kehta he?
Judge: Tum ne muje sala bola?
Lawyer: Nahi My Lord, maine pucha KAUN SA LAW aisa kehta he?

Silence

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the

Wife looks over at him and asks the question....

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again. "

WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"

HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed. "

WIFE: -- silence --

HUSBAND: "sh*t."

VAMPIRE BAT

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.

He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.

Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good" said the bat, "Because I sure as hell didn't!"

CHAI BAHUT ACHI THI

Teacher To student: tumhare ghar ki chai bahut achhi thi.

Student: Sir, agar Billi ne dudh jootha nahi kiya hota to aur achhi hoti.

AUR BHEJO N??

Girl-Plz Send Me Some Good Jokes.
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BOY- Me Padhai Kar Raha Hu...

Aftr 2 min..

GIRL-Kya hua, Aur bhejo n??

KOI NAYA STYLE

BOY- I LOVE YOU DEAR will u marry me??

GIRL- ye to purana hai koi naya style ???

BOY -Apni LAASH ko aag lagane ka MOUKA mere Bete ko degi kya?????????

Girlfrind to santa

Girlfriend to Santa: Me tum se tabi shaadi karungi jab tum koi sahsi kaam kar ke dikhaoge.

Funny Santa: Tum se shaadi karne se jyada sahsi kaam aur kya ho sakta hai?

Laat marni hai

CHINTI auto me baithi or 1 pair bahar rakha.

Driver-mam pair andar rakho.

CHINTI-nhi,raste me HATHI mile to

LAAT marni hai, kal saala aankh maar k gya

tha...

Murzhne mat dena

WIFE-Q G roz subah mere chere pe pani kyo dalte ho?

Hubby-Tumhare pita ne kaha tha meri beti phool k tarah hai isse murzhne mat dena isliy...

Automobile Engineer

1 jaat ne apni kharab car k niche kutte ko leta hua dekha.

to kutte ko 1 dum se khicha or kaha "Bahar likad kamin tanne banau Automobile Engineer..."

SANTA-BANTA

[after marriage]
Santa-oye, bhabi ka kya nam hai?

banta-google kaur!

santa-aisa kyu?

banta-sawal ek oucho jawab 10 milta hai.

SANTA-BANTA

Santa: Aaj TV pe 30 feet ka saap dikhane wale hai.

Banta: Haa par mai nahi dekh paunga.

Santa: kyu?

Banta: mera TV toh 21 inch ka hi hai.

MOMOS

Ek Ladka Ladki Hotel mein gaye....

Waiter:- Kya Loge???

Ladki:- Sabjiyo wali Gujiya.

Waiter:- What???

Ladka:- ye Biharan hai, MOMOS mang rahi hai. Kuch shikh le

I LOVE YOU

Boy-I Love u

Girl ne boy se pucha main bhi tumse i love u kahu to kya karoge

Boy- khushi se mar jaaunga

Girl- ja pagle nahi kehti JEE Le apni zindgi...

SANTA-BANTA

Santa-Tum Dusaro Se Kyu Kehte Firte Ho Ki Me Murkh Hu?

Banta-Maaf Karna Yaar, Muje Nahi Malum Tha Ki Yeh Baat Gupt Rakhni He

Bahut muskil hai

BOY:- Bada muskil hai "TEACHER" SE pyar karna...

frnd:- KYOn??

BOY:- loveletter bheja tha... 7 mistek nikal de....

Sasural ja raha tha

Judge-Kya proof hai k tum car speed me nahi chala rahe the?

Man-Sir,main apni wife ko lene sasural jaa raha tha...

u know..

Judge was convinced...

Air Hostess

Air Hostess: Kya lenge?

Ismail Bhai: Chiken tikka, boti kabab, biryani, fish fry, kheer, ice cream and pan

Sir aap plane mein aye hai aap k abba k reception me nahi..

Kanjus

Kanjus-KajuKatli Aur Lijiye Na

Mehman-Nai Shukriya Me Pehle Hi 4 Le Chuka Hu

Kanjus-Li To Apne Waise 6 He,Lekin Kher Yaha Kaun Gin Raha He.

Panjab Police ka jalwa

Punjab Police ka jalwa...

Santa : Taalaab me nanga naha raha tha..

Police-Chal oye baahar aakar kapde pehen le teri Talaashi leni hai..

Nahi chodunga

ramesh: tum mujhe meri shadi me akela mat chodna. suresh: nahi chodunga main tumhe akela musibat mein kaise chod sakta hoon.

SANTA-BANTA

Ultimate logic of Santa
Banta: What is the opposite of 'Achaar'?
Santa: Onion.
Banta: How?
Achaar = Pickle = Pee+kal. So opposite of 'Pee+kal' is 'Pee+aaj' = Onion.

Jul 24, 2011

SANTA-BANTA

Titanic was sinking.

Santa: How much the earth is far from here?

Banta: 1 kilo meter.

Santa jumped into the sea and asked again: "...In which direction?"

Banta: Downwards

SANTA-BANTA

Santa: I am so miser (kanjoos) that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.

Bania: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend.

SANTA-BANTA

Santa: So, you are distantly related to the family next door, are you?
Banta: Yes, their dog is our dog's brother

Sardar Doctor nd Pandit

A Sardar Doctor and Pundit loved same girl.
Pundit started giving an apple to the girl everyday.
Sardar Doctor asked: WHY ??
Pundit: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!

Girlfrind to Boyfrind

Girlfriend to Boyfriend: Now it is time we should marry.

Boyfriend: That's ok, but who will marry us.

Indian prime minister

Indian Prime Minister: We are sending Indians to the moon next year!

US President: Wow! How many?

Indian Prime Minister: 7 OBC, 5 SC, 8 ST, 3 Handicapped, 2 Sports Persons, 3 Terrorist Affected, 3 Kashmiri Migrants, 2 MPs & 1 Astronaut.

A dog thinks

A dog thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house, and take good care of me... They must be gods!

A cat thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house and take good care of me...
I must be a g

tera kya hoga kaaliya

inBoyfriend: Kya tum meri salary mein guzara kar logi?
Funny Girlfriend: Mein to gujara kar lungi par TUMHARA KYA HOGA KALIYA

SANTA-BANTA

Santa: Why are you heating the knife.
Banta: To do suicide.
Santa: But why are you heating it?
Banta: To prevent infection.

Museum Watchman

Museum Watchman: That's a 500 year old statue you have broken.
Funny Sharma: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

A funny man

A Funny man & his wife go to a coffee house. Funny man buys 2 cups of coffee.

Funny Man: Drink quickly... drink quickly... before it gets cold.

Wife: But why...

Funny Man: They charge Rs. 50 for hot coffee and Rs 100 for cold coffee.

SANTA-BANTA

Banta to Lawyer: What is your fees?
Lawyer: Rs 5000/- for 3 questions.
Banta: Isn't it too high?
Lawyer: Yes, it is. What is your third question?

Girlfrind to Boyefriend

Girlfriend: I can't marry you. I am one year elder to you.

Boyfriend: Very Good, I love you so much that I can wait for you for one year.

Jul 23, 2011

Santa nashe mein

Ek baar santa sharab ke nashe mein ek moti suri ke upar ja gira aur uski puchh(tail)pakar kar bola.Mere 3 bachho ki amma roz do chotiyan banati thi aaj 1 choti kis khushi mein bana li?

GF TO BF

GF-Me Tumre Leters K Stamp Tickts Ko KISS Krti Hu,Unhe Tumhre Lips Ne Chua Hoga
BF-Pr Me To Unhe Apne Kut.te Ki Naak Se Gila Kr K Chipkata Tha:

Ped ka kya hota?

toofaan me ek macchar udte hue ek nariyal ped pe chappak gaya...
jab toofaan tham gaya toh macchar pasina poch kr kahta hai
"uf aaj main nahi rahta toh is ped ka kya hota?"

Bachat karta hun

Tcher-Tum Desh k liya Kya Kya karte ho?
Santa-Pani ki Bachat karta hu
Hafte me sirf 1 bar nahata hu

Schol kya hota hai?

Mumy ye schol kya hota H

Beta ye wo jagah he
jaha parent ko luta aur bacho ko pita jata he

I MISS U

Snta ki girlfriend ne usko message kya
"I Miss U"
Bohat dair sochny k baad Santa ne jawab diya
"I Student U"

1 MAN TO 2 MAN

1 Man To 2 Man: tumhaari wife kyu hamesha gussa rahti hai?
2 Man: maine galti se use bola tha ki "tum gusse main bhi bahut khoob lagti ho"

Baniye ki biwi beemar thi

Light na hone ki wajah se baniye ne candle jaladi aur bola

Doctor ko bulane ja raha hu,agar tumhein aisa lage ki tum nahin

bachogi to please yeh candle bujha dena

Indiya Dekha

Do andhay apas main baten kr rhe thay..
ek ne dusre se pucha tm ne Taj-e-India Dekha hai..?
dusre ne kaha han jub me london ki sair ko gaya tha tab daikha tha..

Brekes

Taxi mai bethe huye Passenger ne driver se kaha: Mujhe Taxi mai bethne par Eik he bat ki fikar hoti hai woh hain Brakes..
Driver: Apko ghabrane ki zroorat nahi, is mai brakes hain hi nahi..

TAX...................TAX....................TAX.......

TAX...................TAX....................TAX.......
What a Great job by the Govt. of India .
1)      Qus.: What are you doing?
Ans.: Business.
Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX

2)      Qus.: What are you doing in Business?
Ans.: Selling the Goods.
Tax : PAY SALES TAX

3)      Qus.: From where are you getting Goods?
Ans.: From other State/Abroad
Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI

4)      Qus.: What are you getting in Selling Goods?
Ans.: Profit.
Tax : PAY INCOME TAX

5)      Qus.: How do you distribute profit ?
Ans : By way of dividend
Tax : PAY DIVIDEND DISTRIBUTION TAX

6)      Qus.: Where you Manufacturing the Goods?
Ans.: Factory.
Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY
8)      Qus.: Do you have Staff?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX

9)      Qus.: Doing business in Millions?
Ans.: Yes
Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX ?
Ans : No
Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax

10)    Qus.: Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
Ans.: Yes, for Salary.
Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX

11)    Qus.: Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
Ans.: Hotel
Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX

12)    Qus.: Are you going Out of Station for Business?
Ans.: Yes
Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX
13)    Qus.: Have you taken or given any Service/s?
Ans.: Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX

14)    Qus.: How come you got such a Big Amount?
Ans.: Gift on birthday.
Tax : PAY GIFT TAX

15)    Qus.: Do you have any Wealth?
Ans.: Yes
Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX

16)    Qus.: To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
Ans.: Cinema or Resort.
Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX

17)    Qus.: Have you purchased House?
Ans.: Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE

18)    Qus.: How you Travel?
Ans.: Bus
Tax : PAY SURCHARGE
19)    Qus.: Any Additional Tax?
Ans.: Yes
Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL &
SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!

20)    Qus.: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans.: Yes
Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY

21)    INDIAN :   Can I die now??
Ans : No, wait we are about to launch the FUNERAL TAX
2) Petrol Price in INDIA
Pakistan             Rs. 26
Bangladesh        Rs. 22
Cuba                  Rs. 19
Nepal                  Rs. 34
Burma                Rs. 30
Afghanistan       Rs. 36
INDIA                Rs. 63.40

3) BASIC COST PER 1 LITRE 16.50
Centre tax   11.80%
Excise duty   9.75%
Vat cess             4%
State tax            8 %
Total    Rs.   50.05

Now extra 13.35 Rs, PER 1 LITRE

What a Great job by the Govt. of India …

Rich is my name

boy: hi
Girl : what ?
Boy : how are you ?
Girl : do i know you ?
Boy : I'm rich
.............................................Girl : hi , I'm Nana , I'm 20 ,, nice to meet you !
Boy : no no ,, "Rich" is my name.

Jul 22, 2011

RAJESH-SHAFIQUE

Rajesh- yaar meri patni ne kal mujhse jhoot bola, woh kal shaam ghar der se lauti. mere puchhane par usne bataya ki woh apbi saheli ke saath bahar gai thi,

shafique- to tumhe kaise pata chala ki woh jhoot bol rahi hai?

Rajesh- arey kal us samye main usi saheli ke saatha film dekhne gaya tha,

SOLE

Gabbar-ye haath, ye haath mujhe dede Thhakur. Thhakur-lele saale,Ramu Kaka ke bhi lele,Basanti ke bhi lele,Jai aour Veeru ke bhi ke bhi lele,Mousi ke bhi lele. saale Maa Durga ban jaa.
Gabbar-yaar tu to emotional ho gaya. mein to majak kar raha tha.

DIKHE TO BATANA

प्रेमी प्रेमिका से: डार्लिंग मुझे तुम्हारी आँखों में सारी दुनिया दिखाई देती है!
पीछे से एक बूढा बोला: हमारी गाय नहीं मिल रही! दिखे तो बताना!

SANTA-BANTA

Banta: Santa, itna udhaas kyu baita hai?
Santa: yaar betting mein maine 2000 gavaa diyaa :-(
Banta: kaise?
Santa: India pe 1000 rupaiye ka bet lagaaya tha aur India ne match haar gaya
Banta: lekin 2000 kaise?
Santa: aaj us match ka highlights daale. India pe ummeed rakh ke phir 1000 dala tha.

SANTA-BANTA

Santa: pappa agar main exam pass karunga to kya doge?
Pappa: ek cycle dilaadoonga
Santa: agar fail hua to?
Pappa: 10 cycle dilaaunga
Santa: woh kyu?
Pappa: padhaai bandh karke cycle shop khol lo

SANTA-BANTA

Santa: kahaa gayaa thaa yaar?
Banta: girlfriend ke saath movie dekhne
Santa: kitna kharchaa huaa?
Banta: 500 Rs
Santa: itnaa huaa kya?
Banta: kya karu? uske paas itnaa hee thaa yaar

Principal: class ko der kyu pahunche?
Student: sir, gaadi puncture ho gaya tha
Principal: to tumhe bus mein aana tha
Student: socha tha sir, lekin aapki beti sunti hi nahi ha

SANTA-BANTA

Santa: Tumhe kyu arrest kiya gayaa hai?
banta: maine 50 rupaye ka chillar diya. isliye.
santa: usme kya galti hai?
banta: maine chillar mein do 25 rupaye ka note diyaa tha :-)

gaadi reverse lo

Driver: Poora petrol khatam ho gayi hai. ab aage nahi bad sakte.
Santa: teek hai, gaadi reverse lo aur ghar vaapas chalo

SANTA-BANTA

Santa: tumhaara beta bilkul tumhaara jaisa hi dikhtaa hai.
Banta: dheere se bol... woh padosi ka beta hai

Santa: agar electricity nahi hota to kya hota?
Banta: raat mein candle light mein TV dekhna padta tha

public to santa

Public to Santa: us rowdy ke vajah se hum pareshaan hai. use haamare area se bhagaane ka koi tareeka bataao?
Santa: aasaan hai, use election mein khadaa karke MLA banaa do. agle 5 saal tak woh tumhaare area ki taraf nahi aayega.

sieeping tablets

Doctor: aapke pati ko zyaada rest ki zaroorat hai. yeh sleeping tablets leejiye.
Wife: unko yeh kab dena hai doctor?
Doctor: yeh unke liye nahi, aapke liye hai :-)

Udas kyun ho?

Nurse: udhaas kyu baite ho sir?
Doctor: dopahar jiska operation kiya tha, woh mar gaya.
Nurse: arey woh to post mortem tha.
Doctor: to main subah kiska post mortem kiyaa tha

Hamari sadi nahi hogi

Boy: kal maine tumhaare ghar gaya tha. lagta hai hamaari shaadi nahi hogi.
girl: kyu? pappa se mile the kya?
Boy: nahi, tumhaare behan se milaa tha

Kerchief free

Customer: yeh kya offer hai? TV liya to 10 kerchief free!!!
Salesman: TV serials dekhne ke baad aapki aansoo ponchne ke liye

Autowaala

Autowaala: sorry sir, meter daalna bhool gaya.
santa: problem nahi hai. main bhi apna purse bhool aaya. chodo

TV CHOD DIYA

Ramu: Sir, mere ghar mein TV chodke baaki sabki chori hogayi hai?
Police: chor ne sirf TV kisliye chodaa hoga?
Ramu: mujhe kya pataa sir? main us samay TV mein serial dekh rahaa thaa

Beggar

Beggar: 10 rupaiya dedo saab. girlfriend ko phone karni hai.
Saab ka girlfriend: dekho, bhikaari bhi apni girlfriend ko kitna pyar karta hai.
Beggar: nahi memsaab, use pyar karne ke baad hee main bhikaari ban gayaa

Beggar

VIDYA

Teacher: raju, tum kis liye college aate ho?
Student: vidya ke khaatir
Teacher: toh ab so kyu rahe ho?
Student: aaj vidya nahi aayi hai sir

OXFORD

Teacher: OXFORD matlab kya hai?
Student: OX matlab bail, FORD matlab Gaadi. to OXFORD matlab bail gaadi

Jul 19, 2011

Mini skirt jaisa

Teacher to student Lecture kaisa hona chahiye?
Student Mini skirt jaisa,
taaki jaruri topic cover bhi ho jaye aur sabka interest bhi bana rahe. . .

PrPOSE Kro Jaise

Girl-Jan Mujhe Aise PrPOSE Kro Jaise kisi Ne N Kia Ho Boy-Haramzadi,Kutti,Kamini,
I LOVE u Dayan,Mujhse Shadi Krke
MujheBarbaad Kr De chudel.

Bol kya chahiye?

After Death goes heaven,
God=Bol kya chahiye?
=Muze sonni kuddi dila do,
God= Dila dunga,,
Aagr tu Muslim hai to KATRINA..
Agar Baniya hai to YANA..
Aur Agar Punjabi hai to KAREENA,,
Bol tera naam kya hai..??
Mohammad Singh Aggarwal

Jul 12, 2011

Sheela ki lal lal ankhe

Sheela ki lal lal ankhe dekhkar usaki saheli ne pucha Tumhari ankhe lal lal kyon hai?
Sheela - Mere pati bimar hai.
Saheli - Lekin unake lie to tumane koi nars rakhi hui hai.
Sheela Han rakhi hai isilie to mujhe
raatbhar jagana padata hai.

Jul 6, 2011

Man with doctor

A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as
good as it used to be. What should I do?"

The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is
in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a
question, if she doesn't respond keep moving closer asking the question
until she hears you."

The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet
behind her and says, "What's for dinner, honey?"

He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again.

Still no response, so he moves to five feet. Again, no answer.

Finally he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

She replies, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN!"

Apki Zindgi me 5

Apki Zindgi me 5
chize kabhi bhi aa
sakti hai- 'Hum' 'Hamara call'
'Humara msg' 'Hamari Yaad'
Aur 'HAMARI YAAD SE SMILE'
Dekho aa gayi.

Kisi Ki Dhadkan Ke Piche

Kisi Ki Dhadkan Ke Piche Koi Baat Hoti Hai
Har Dard Ke Piche Kisiki Yaad Hoti Hai
Aap Ko Pata Na Hoga.
Apki Har Khushi Ke Peche Hamari Faryaad Hoti Hai!…

jhoom k barsa sawan

Jab jab ghire badal, teri yad Aai,

jhoom k barsa sawan teri Yad ai,

bheega mein phir teri yad ai,
Kyo na aye yaad,

tune chatri ab tak Nahin lotai.

Our FRIENDSHIP is not

Our FRIENDSHIP is not like NIKE-just do it,
Not like PEPSI-yeh dil mange more,
Not like WILLS-made 4 each other,
But like LIC-zindagi k sath bhi,
Zindagi ke baad bhi!

Kyun hamein kisi ki

Kyun hamein kisi ki talaash hoti hai.
Kyun dil ko kisi ki aas hoti hai, Chaand ko
dekho wo bhi to tanha hai fir bhi uski
chandni se Roshan raat hoti hai.

Gum ka shikwa kabhi

Gum ka shikwa kabhi na karna
gum to cheez hi aisi hai
Aap sada khush rahena,

hamara kya hamari to taqdeer hi aisi hai.

Har sangmarmar ki imaarat

Har sangmarmar ki imaarat
Taj nahi hoti, dil tutata hai
Magar aawaz nahi hoti,
Yun to dil mein basati hai
Hazaron malikaey,
Har malika Mumtaz nahi hoti.

Jul 4, 2011

Mere pass naukri hai

An engineering student to his sweeper brother.
Mere pass degree hai, knowledge hai,
4 logon mein baithne ki ijjat hai.
Tere pass kya hai?
Sweeper: Mere pass naukri hai.

Dus bahane karke le gaye

Somking + drinking + charas + ganja + chicken
+ mutton + oily food + masala + obesity
+ pollution = HEART ATTACK.
Matlab Dus bahane karke le gaye dil.

What is Marriage

What is Marriage?
1 year:- Alpenlibe-Ji Lalchaye raha Na Jaye.
2 year :- KINETIC-Sabki hawa Nikal de.
3 year: - CHLORMINT-DOBARA MAT PUCHNA.

Pati apni bimar patni ko

Pati apni bimar patni ko bole:
â€˜Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to
Main PAGAL ho jaunga.
WIFE: Dusri shadi to nahin karoge?
Pati: Pagal kuch b kar sakta hai.

Use Pane Ki Chahat Me

Use Pane Ki Chahat Me Kho Baitha Sb Kuch
Par Meri Chahat Ka Us Bedard Ko Pata Na Laga
Us Se Ki Dosti Use Pane Ki Umeed Me
Pr Dosti K Siwa Kuch Aur Pa Na Saka.

Kahhte Hai Pyar Me Jisne

Kahhte Hai Pyar Me Jisne Liya Apna Dil Laga
Mili Hai Unhe Sirf Bewafai Aur Daga
Maine Kaha Sanam Tujhe Kabi Dhoka Na Duga
Tere Har Gam Har Dard-E-Sitam Sahuga

Vo Kya Jane Pyar Ki

Vo Kya Jane Pyar Ki Keemat Kya Hoti Hai
Jab Nahi Milta Pyar To Aankhe Kitni Roti Hain
Kbhi Na Kbhi To Vo Kisi Se Dil Lagayegi
Karega Vo Bewafai To Meri Wafa Ki Yaad Ayegi

Dil Banane Wale Ne

Dil Bana Ne Wale Ne Dil Kaanch Ka Banaya Hota,
Todne Wale Ke Haath Pe Zakham To Aaya Hota,
Jab Bhi Dekhta Apne Haatho Ko Wo,
To Unhe Humara Khayal To Aya Hotaa.

Jul 2, 2011

A dog was running behind

One day a dog was running behind a Santa… But Santa was laughing.
Banta asked, "Why you are so happy?
He said… "Ah Ah Ah….I have an Airtel mobile with me…But Still Hutch network is following me.."

Tum apun ko itna sms

Tum apun ko itna sms karta hai..
Apun ko reply karneko majbur karta hai..
Kya iske peeche koi plan hai..
Ya auro ki tarah tum bhi apun ka fan hai

A B C D E F G H I

A B C D E F G H I * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * U V W X Y Z.

Dekha !!!

I and U ke beech jo bhi aaya saale ko tapka dala

Kya mast air chal

Kya mast air chal raele hai
cow log grass eat kar raele hai
dog log bark bark kar raele hai
Shaane log SMS kar raele hai
DHAKKAN log SMS padh raele hai

Munna Bhai Jokes

Apun dono ka dosti 1dum jhakz hona mangta hai,
Jhakz bole to,apun hira 2 moti,
Apun sabji 2 roti,apun pani 2 tanki,
Apun tarzan 2 monkey.

Munna Bhai Shayari

Kuta mar gaya rajai mein
Apun margaya teri judai mein
Nadi mein hathi kabhi bahe nahi sakata
Apun tere bina rahe nahi sakta

Munna Bhai Jokes

Munna Bhai: Aay circuit, baapu bole to gandhi ji kapre kyun nahi pehantay thay?
Circuit: Bhai bole to bapu bhi us time k Salmaan Khan thay!!!

Munna Bhai Jokes

CIRCUIT : Bhai, Bapu NE bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai.
Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai.

MUNNA BHAI : Aye Circuit, who Sunita ka baap aya hai terayko dund rehla hai.

CIRCUIT : Bhai usko bolo apun gaon gaya hai, kheti karneko.
MUNNA BHAI : Par Circuit, abhi to TU bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.

CIRCUIT : Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na